


Rose Tint My Uwurld

by MarMarMarzipan



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crack, Crack and Angst, Fat Albert, Groping, I listened to the cupid shuffle while writing this, I wrote this to be funny, It's finals week guys, M/M, Mean Girls References, Omae wa mou shinderu, Religion, Sexe, Smut, Tentacles, boys, idek what this is, klance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-16 20:27:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13061553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarMarMarzipan/pseuds/MarMarMarzipan
Summary: “Hehehehhe, Fat Albert boxers??? Funny jf meme xd” He said as  he raised an eyebrow. Keith merely smiled and blushed.“In my religion of Galranism, we can only go commando, unless it’s Monday or Tuesday. Monday we wear Fat Albert printed underwear, and on Tuesdays we wear pink.” He explained.-----------------------------Ok so this is a crack fic??? With smut kinda stuff??? I dunno but I have another fic planned, this is just to kinda cure my writer's block.





	Rose Tint My Uwurld

**Author's Note:**

  * For [My tiny gay friend sus](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=My+tiny+gay+friend+sus).



> idek whatvthis is  
> (Edit: After having Karen read this, I know now.)

Lance leaned over to Keith’s ear hole. He licked his lips with an obscene slurping sound, and spoke breathily.

“Heyyy there, sexe boi, you wanna gimme that toot toot, lemme give you that beep beep.” He put his fish lips onto the lobe of Keith’s sound catcher, and lightly nipped, drawing a gasp out of Keith.  
“WWwwww, what do you mean, brown boyeee? I cannot gibe uwu the hee haw, bercause of my wewigion!” Keith pulled out of Lance’s tight embrace, the blue tentacles going to gather at his waist instead, lightly tracing onto the pale skin underneath. Lance’s eyebrows furrowed, as he made a displeased noise.

“Why can’t you give me the blessing of your exotically-flavoured boy puss tho? I thought Imade you wetta than a fetha! I even gave up all of my side hos for you so what tf nigga??? My name jef Xddd” Lance pouted, and keith turned away, cheeks hot with embarrassment.

“Well,” Keith lightly touched the tentacles around his waist, tracing where the mix of colors bloomed. A huff, and they tightened. Infinitely interesting. “ My wewigion is that uwu can’t have a boyo in da womb until he put a wing on it.”

“A ring? Well, why didn’t you say so mu nigga?” Lance’s eyes seemed to light up, and the tentacles quickly receeded, and horses began to fly through the windows as Lance, eyes on Keith, pulled a tiny porcelain box from his pockwet.Kweith looked very intrigued and watched as Lace opened the boxm, revealing a ring.

“Now you muyst put it on my ding dong owo.”  
“oh.”  
Lanc e was noy prepared for such forwaRDNESS coming from his lover.\

“okay.” Keith, wide-eyed, watched as Lance pulled down his rowsers. A blush seemed to creep further up Lance’s face as he slowly leaned down and unzipped the clothing. He let them fall, revealing a pair of rather comical boxers. Lance snorted.

“Hehehehhe, Fat Albert boxers??? Funny jf meme xd” He said as he raised an eyebrow. Keith merely smiled and blushed.

“In my religion of Galranism, we can only go commando, unless it’s Monday or Tuesday. Monday we wear Fat Albert printed underwear, and on Tuesdays we wear pink.” He explained, as he grabbed the Cuban boy’s hand and moved it to grope at the bulge concealed by a layer of Fat Albert. Keith gave a high keen, head falling back. Lance took this as a sign to continue, and a chorus of moans made their way out of Keith as he was rubbed and prodded at through boxers. Suddenly, the hand left him, and Keith let out a pitiful whine.

“Now now, bebe,” Lance cooed, “ You cannot come until I’m all up in yo bootyhoel. Now, as much as I love Fat6 Albert, I would looooooooooovee to pull these down. Pwease?”

Keith nodded eagerly, and his boxers were promptly taken off, and thrown onto the ground beside him. He lunged ton take them into his hands, and stuffed them into his mouth quickly. Lance made a noise similar to that of a Chihuahua going into cardiac arrest, and suddenly his own jeans felt a million times tighter. They were promptly removed, leaving him in a pair of underwear similar to those of his lover: plain white, with the image of Mushmouth strewn about. Keith moaned through the layer of fabric in his mouth.

“mmmmmmmmmyumyum, you leik the mushmouth homeslice???” Lance licked his lips. “ur not the only one who likes fat albert lol.”

Mushmouth was soon thrown across the room to the large pile of clothes that had gathered next to the two boys.

"Latinnnnnnn Activity  
Its that Latinnnnnnn Activvvvvity (Oooooh)  
Lets Jam Lets Jam (Latin Activity)" Lance screeched. He pulled out the ring, eyeing it, and then turned his attention to Keith's cock, slick with semen and sweat, and something that looked like it could be found in a Burger King bathroom. The small ring felt cold in his tentacle as he twirled it. He gave a few pumps to Keith's cock.

Then Keith felt it. A cold circle at the tip of him. He looked down to see the small metallic ring touching the tip of his penis. Lance furrowed his brows, and with a shout, the ring slid down, down, down, until it reached the base of Keith's cock. 

"Ueuu senpai, omae wa mou shinderu" Keith screamed.

Then Lance noticed something a tad bit odd. His lover's penis seemed to be growing around the ring. Lance's eyes widened to the size of saucer as Keith's erection seemed to grow even bigger with the ring it was straining against.  It seemed as if Keith didn't notice, not at all. If anything, Keith only seemed more aroused. 

"Uwuuuuuu, you make me so harduuuuu, Keith Chan." Lance marveled at the sight before him. Keith's penis had finally stopped growing, and seemed to be as long as two of Lance's feet. Lance groped at the penis, and Keith came. Almost. 

"Dedy nyaaaaaa noooo!!!!! ! The ringey is keeping my peeepeee from going boom!" Keith roared, and with that, the ring shattered into pieces, freeing Keith's cock as he came. Long white spurts erupted from the tip of Keith's penis, similar to the way a volcano would erupt. Lance opened his mouth to take in his lover's essence, and moved up to place his mouth on Keith's cock. 

Keith grabbed out and grasped Lance's hair, pushing him further onto him. A choking sound was made, but Lance did not move as Keith rode out his orgasm. 

After about thirty minutes, Keith was satisfied. 

"Lancet wancey" he said, "My pecker went nacho! You can get off now.!!!" 

But there was no response. For to Keith's horror, Lance had drowned in semen.

Keith sobbed for seven days, wallowing in the room where he and Lance had made love. Not even a coaxing of Shiro' s large and rather Asian penis could force him put of his depression. Finally, there was only one thing left to do.

Keith reached for his blade, the one that Lance bought him in Mamora, or Was it Samoa? It didn't matter. Keith brought the blade down, and cut off his penis. 

 And that, dear children, is why you should never give blowhobs or have any sex: you will choke on semen and die.

**Author's Note:**

> I'll update in a few days. AND I consider requests. ;)
> 
> Also I'm working on another Klance fic that's pretty legitimate that will be coming out soon.  
> Leave a comment cause I'm a t h i r s t y bitch,and I want to know what y'all thought.


End file.
